'All By Myself......' Part 1

Posted on 14 Mar 2025 @ 10:44am by Lieutenant Commander Raviran Dattek-Winters
Edited on 06 Apr 2025 @ 6:01am

1,139 words; about a 6 minute read

Ravi was just done with the admin with the extremely helpful assistance of Thalla, her Andorian Lt, jg, and she was now writing up an application to the Captain. Her last task before the dreaded "Leave" had to be taken finally.

The CMO was running out of excuses to still be in the offices and clinic that had been allocated to the Cygnus' Medical Department once the ship herself had been towed in, what was left of her. She wasn't looking forward to not having anything to do to keep her mind off all the horrors they'd all been through, not least of all her ex, Lisald Vaat, who seemed to have wiped her out of existence since he left for a new job.

Ravi understood that with all that Vaat had been through and the blame he would have been heaping on himself since, that the idea of a fresh start and an opportunity to start making his future better and leaving the failings of the past behind, must have been when it popped up out of the darkness that would have been settling around him.

She had heard that Vaat had been facing a Court Martial but since he hadn't made any contact or responded to her calls or mails, she didn't know if that was what had actually happened or if it was a series of unkind rumours. Imagining that it was probable, she thought of how devastated he would have been, added to the horror of the whole incident from beginning to end. It must have been almost unbearable.

That was why she had been so desperate to speak with him, hoping to offer some comfort or consoling words, if not then perhaps a quiet cuddle? but no. He had cut her out like the sore he was obviously removing from his life now. She was a part of the past that he needed to eject. She was, it would seem, 'airlocked' as the expression went.

Ravi had been through the pain. She had empathised with him and how she worried he must be feeling. She had tried to contact him to support him and she had been distraught to find him nonresponsive to her efforts. After she looked into whether or not he was getting her messages - which she was able to find proof that he had been, she went through more distress, on his behalf that he was clearly so badly hurt and self-punishing and she tried repeatedly to find out what his medical reports said about his mental condition was, even though she knew she wasn't allowed to access those without being his specific physician, but all in vain anyway.

Vaat's current Counsellor was methodical and thorough in sealing the records -- as was 100% the correct thing to do, she couldn't dispute that -- so Ravi had come eventually to the conclusion that the man, Lisald Vaat, the love of her past-life, was clearly intending for her not to be any part of the future for either of them.

Then word had arrived - 'on the Grapevine' - that he had been offered and accepted a new job, on a starship - she waited for him to say, or send a - goodbye. He hadn't done so. Not one word.

Now THAT was beyond mental illness; it was disrespectful; it was hurtful. It was cruel.

It was just plain piggin' RUDE.

The anger was what Ravi needed to let him go. It was what she needed to move on. It was bitter and it galled her into toughness and action.

Having already decided against going down to the Planet for the Festival and the romance, she could imagine how happy and light-hearted that would all be but even though it felt tempting to try to fight off her sadness with that kind of atmosphere, there was still a shadow over her that kept seeing Vaat everywhere, suddenly around a corner, in an imagined sighting that wasn't actually him and which then made her heart ache when the error was revealed.

Lieutenant Dattek-Winters took herself onto the main promenade of the Starbase Atrium and just wandered around, telling herself she was looking for a cafe for some lunch but not really enthusiastically seeking, just meandering vaguely, barely seeing much, lost in her thoughts of what she should do next with her life. How to move on.

She felt a surge of need to leave the Cygnus, but why? Her job was her best means of recovery. She had lots of wonderful friends..... It was just a reflexive 'fight or flight' flood of confusion and fear that overcame her, unanticipated and without any obvious build up that she had seen coming.

Ravi was aware suddenly that she was building up to a massive release of a hundred emotions, all at once. The Cardassian side of her was horrified at the idea of such a horrible breakdown in such a hideously public place. She began to hurry to try to get to the Station's Bajoran Gardens in the hope of saving some face, if at all possible.

People bumped into her.... or was it she who was doing the bumping into others..... She repeatedly kept sayin "sorry, or excuse me...." but she kept doing it and it built up until she found herself jogging and then running........

Almost at the Bajoran Garden which was a public but still subtle place with a lot of mature Bajoran planting inside the gates, spread over an impossible amount of space and offering, Ravi was sure she could recall, lots of privacy and sheltered spots, including cafe's and tables and .......

::IMPACT::

It was inevitable, 'Professor Retrospect' commented inside her head later. She was BOUND to have crashed into someone, whilst she was 'behaving like that' some inner parent scolded her - also later!

AND it was "SO out of character!" was a comment also made. Was that from her inner teachings or something that was actually said? She couldn't be sure which but it was bugging her that she shouldn't lose her outer self-control like this, especially in public.

Whomever it was that she had barrelled into, had caught her and prevented her from falling. Ravi felt very grateful and the change to a 'nice' emotion from the storm of harsh emotions that had been pursuing her a moment ago, all seemed to press on the back of her eyes and the main control in her knees.

"I'm so sorry" she began again "I'm a doctor" she went on, her seemingly detached inner mind shouting at her... ~say what?~

At that point she began to slide towards the floor only to look up at the Trill man, who seemed to be the only force keeping her vertical.


tbc

 

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