Enemy Genes?

Posted on 08 Dec 2022 @ 1:01pm by Lieutenant Commander Raviran Dattek-Winters

1,626 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: Outbreak
Location: Ten Forward & Sickay
Timeline: tbc

Ravi sat at the table furthest from the bar and closest to the farthest huge portal that looked out onto the passsing stars. It was the table where she had first met Vaat and she missed him. It was several days since the Dinner Party when he had dropped the bombshell on her that he was leaving Starfleet - and by progression of that, presumably, sooner or later, this ship and by default, herself.


The portal's mesmerising constant movement yet comforting regularity of the distorting star lights as they passed by, were helping her feel at least a small amount less frantic about that possibility. It was close to a scene intended to induce ... or at least assist.... meditation and as such she was lost in silence. A deep and heavy silence that threatened to envelop her like a soup.

The Bartender who was more of a substitute Counsellor/on tap friend/purveyor of your choice of 'poison' or synthahol that should taste much the same but do less towards terminating your essential organs, approached her and she was startled out of her revery suddenly as he spoke, having got no response by simply approaching her.

"Can I get you something to eat?" he asked, concerned that she'd seemed not to be eating much these days. She had been a regular customer who had proclaimed no culinary skills and eaten here very consistently before the past couple of weeks.

If she had looked happy about it, she might have a new partner or room mate who was cooking for her, but he had an instinct that wasn't the way of things here.

She had quite a lot of Cardassian features which lent her an air of some seriousness all the time but lately she had seemed to Trelaw to be looking almost severe.

Her friendly, happy nature which had set her apart from many others, was nowhere to be seen a the moment which he found a real shame as that had been an important part of what had made him (and several others) like her.

It had been a surprising and wonderful contrast to the image that those Cardassian features seemed to give off, not just with their strong exotential bone structures and shadows cast by them, but also in comparison with the whole atmosphere her creed normally gave out. Few had met a cheerful, friendly, helpful, light-humoured, happy little Cardassian?

Trelaw did know, of course, that Ravi was half Bajoran but as her genetics were such that those features were not so apparent - that also added to the strange combination of temperament that she seemed to possess.

This little one was a doctor. One of the "do no harm" league. Who would envisage one of those in a Cardassian form. It screamed controversy and contra-indications ..... well, to be fair..... SHE seemed to scream that .... just by sitting there, dark hair, dark eyes, soft smile and lightly spooned forehead all mixing together.

She was an enigma. She was an outcast on a ship full of clearly Bajoran crew. Not all of them of course, but a large majority, just by coincidence. Even the CO himself.

After some time, his train of thought was interrupted as the ACMO finally replied and he jolted back to focus on her tear-stained face.

"I'm sorry..... I was lost in my thoughts.... no.... thank you..... I'm not hungry and I really shouldn't have any more of your lovely Andorian Sunrises. Thanks for offering. I should stop filling up your best seats and get on with something useful..... " she stood up, the length of time she had been there seeming to make her a little stiff as she got up. Or was the wobble to do with the fact that she should probably have said that to those sunrises a good deal earlier.

"I'm not worried about the occupied seat" Trelaw scoffed. "You can see how few people are in here. He gestured around with a large sweep of his opening arm to prove this.

Automatically, Ravi's eyes followed his arm's movement and she blushed. Clearly what she'd said was ridiculous given how many empty seats there were at this time of day.

"Tell you what, Why don't I make you that Bajoran Hasparat Souffle you love so much..... just before you go off and get something important underway?" He tried, still hoping to get her to eat something, just because he instinctively felt she might need it.

He was right, she DID need to eat, she was losing weight like a Bajoran in a Cardassian Prisoner of War Camp from the previous generations of their people. But she didn't want to eat.

Dammit, she didn't want to breathe!!

Ravi shook herself, a medical person recognising how down and lost she was getting. "I'm fine, honestly!" she lied and thanked him, putting a soft hand onto his forearm gently and genuinely. She was grateful for him caring that she should live or die, even when she didn't want to.

She gave him her "doctors' trained straight face with a false smile" that she had perfected professionally for grieving relatives........ well she was one of those, wasn't she? A grieving person who had lost someone very important to them.

Her heart had stopped speaking to her and she was trying to nurse it but the fact she couldn't feel it right now was a good thing because she was dreading what would happen once it stopped being numb from shock and loss and came back to life in full 100% pain mode.

"You're very kind" she said to Trelaw with sincerity. She meant it and it mattered so she showed him that.

As she left the lounge and made her way back to her suite, she decided she needed to sober up before she found she was too far gone to get back on her own. She went to get a sonic shower but the sound made her more sad and the warmth made her more tired. She wrapped up in towels and lay on the bed, lying to herself that she would only stay here for a few minutes and then she'd get dressed and go and find some work to distract herself.

Ravi woke the next morning with a hangover and tears on her soggy pillow. Her eyes were red and her spirits were still low but she felt she needed to get up anyway. This might be her last chance to haul herself out of this dark grief before it took control.

She got up, drank two coffees, ate some eggs and some warmed up left over biscuits she'd made. They were stale and she remembered that she'd made them when she thought Vaat.... that name tore at her heart from the inside of her aching head.... was coming around. They were his favourite bajoran recipe that her mum had taught her..... her mum..... was she destined to lose everyone she cared about?

Catching that darkness as it threatened to crawl back over her, Ravi threw on her creased, discarded uniform, then tore it off, recycled it, asked herself what she was thinking to put it on dirty?? - shook herself, asked herself what Vaat would think if he could see this side of her? .... that name... the rending pain of her heart at its mention... she replicated a new uniform on the "favourites - saved" program of the room replicator and dragged it on, sobbing.

"STOP THAT" she told herself out loud and straightened her shoulders the way her Papa used to do when he wanted to stop spoiling her - which wasn't often. She had been a much loved child until the invasion of Cardassia Prime - it seemed like it all went wrong after that but her Mama and her Papa would have wanted her to keep on. They would have wanted her to live on and fulfil the dreams they'd encouraged her to have.

Finally dressed and presentable, Ravi stood up straight, put one hand up to ease her aching temples and then set off towards sickbay.

Her heart still fought to break at every breath, every step and every person she met who wasn't that man with the name that cut like a surgical laser but she walked on.

She didn't feel any other pain though. Somehow nothing else seemed to matter any more but, she was going through the motions and someday, some things that used to matter would start to come back slowly. Like flowers coming back up from bulbs in the frozen earth when Winter begins to thaw and Spring returns, one small flower at a time. She focussed on small spring flowers and set some beautiful Terran Bluebells that she had seen on file once and loved instantly... much like.... Vaat-bells? - ::mental whack::

Looking them up she put the image on her work monitor's screen saver. She couldn't change the lock screen because they all had to be the Starfleet insignia..... the icon that V...Blue.... had rejected..... ::mental whack::

Staring at them she wondered if she should get another image but decided that she needed to steel herself gently towards things, thoughts and images that reminded her of ....*him*.... so that eventually, as The Ancient Terran Wordsmith - William Shakespear - had coined the mantra that she pinned a lot of her theory to:

"give me excess of it, that surfeiting, the appetite shall sicken and so surely die!"

She put those words on the saver under the extinct blue flowers and signed in before going to see Dr Elodin to get some extra hours to make up for those she had lost lately by being so despondent and unhelpful to anyone, most of all her own self.

 

RSS Feed